SERIOUSLY -Tips For Marriage - Thalforum

Pallavi Singh · April 4th, 2005, 02:43 PM

Listen guys, dont make fun of such a serious issue. marriage jokes are quite fun but one has to be married to enjoy them. so, do something to get married first and then make mockery of it.

thanks
Pallavi Singh

Vik · April 4th, 2005, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pallavi Singh

Listen guys, dont make fun of such a serious issuel

Sorry...i was just going by the forum name - Fun and Frolic. .

.........Vikas you are to blame for all this.. learn something for Pallavi Singh.

vikaskapoor · April 7th, 2005, 03:39 PM

hi friends,

i know this is a very serious topic and completely understand the depth of the seriousness of a the institution called as "marriage" . there might be many persons who may feel that yes it may be a possibility being a thalassemia major and few of us may have some kinda insecurity about it . whatever the answer may be but we all know it will not be a piece of cake for us . there are many friends of mine who are very tense about it , they know somwehere in back of thier minds that marriage is not a possibility for us . i know we are as fit as normal but dont you guys think that we may find some problem in geting married ? or there are ppl out there who will see our hearts and our real personality rather than our blood disorder ? who's parents will allow to get married to a thal when the know that our life bolld more than thier son/daughter and ofcourse the cost of our treatment who want to take that responsibility , its a point whch needs quit a thought ?
many ppl know my ans but i m posting this mail just to know what my other thal friends think and this post is open for all the parents also if they wanna add something to this. i will eagerly wait for your post .

regards
vikas kapoor

Miss_Asia · April 7th, 2005, 06:46 PM

hi there Pallavi Singh hunni everything in life is serious - even the jokes we do are serious. but why not live a little and take life lightly- tht was ALL the reason for tht post :) but yah u r right, we have a laff but we should also giv such issues a serious thought.

avneet · April 9th, 2005, 01:27 PM

hi guys,
i was just passing by this site n i cud feel some heat coming out of this section.
being curious by nature i just peeped in n
i cud see fire burning n people arguing on very imp issue that is marriage

guys before being a thal i m a gurl who has her own dreams where i dream of my own kingdom, loving people around me, beautiful scenary n last but not the least is my prince of my dreams who love me more than neone

i know its difficult for us to get what we want
this thal is going to create problems in achieving our dreams n i do some times i get frustrated bcoz of it especially when i think that it will create hell lot of problems for me.

but in the end cindrella won her prince over her step sisters n snow white survived from her witch step mother n got her prince

n i hope to get my prince too

i know its very difficult but not impossible

n wenever u say impossible i will spell it as I M POSSIBLE

bosegaurav · April 9th, 2005, 02:59 PM

hi everyone,
well wat we think bout us bein near normal ppl n that kinda shit really duz not matter. even those of us who has a boyfrnd or a girl frnd n perhaps r so much in love that we intend to get married and our partners bein OK wid our thal is not sufficient, we r forgettin one thing ... n that is we r in India...a country where :
a)lov marriages r very diff
& b) even if that is arranged, it is totally by the supervision of parents... n suppose our partners tell their parents that the person that they r wanting to marry, the parents wont even know wat thal is... n after that in case they r open they will like to refer to doctors bout wat thal is... n am sorry to say that most doctors even today say that THAL PATIENTS LIVE ONLY TILL BOUT 25 TO 30 YRS, N THAL IS SOEM THIN SO CRITICAL THAT MARRIAGE IS A STRICT NO NO IN THIS.
pals, if we cant trust docs to give proper knowledge, who do we seek help from,
this really disgust n of course scares me, i dunno wat i shud do wen faced wid such a prob...
that is wat we guyz r here for ... AWARENESS, but ur task seems more n more diff by the day, coz now i see that not only the general public needs to know bout the disorder, but also the doctors need to be educated...this seemz like f*#$#@ shit.. really depressing, dunno wat to do... coz this really is a mjor prob that a number of young thals r lookin forward to get married n this is a concern as big for me as it is for u guyz
but trust me, we gotta b strong, n b a support n help to each other
the only thing that i can suggest here , is the fact that a lot of us get into a relationship n then dont tell the person in front that we guyz r thals, well!! i do understand y we do it!
but u know wat , we hav to tell it if not the first time we meet, but b4 its too late n b4 either gets too serious in the relationship, else it may b catastrophic..wat i can do here is volunteer tht in case n e one needs n e help in terms of talkin to sum1 to make him/her understand, i come forward for doin it on their behalf or n e kinda councelling.
see frnds, i am not tryin to act too mature here, but all i can say here is the fact is i have BEEN THERE DONE THAT, n i know its diff n hurts a lot
so take care
n dont worry too much

gaurav

Pallavi Singh · April 9th, 2005, 03:57 PM

thanks for putting some serious thoughts. i really appreciate that. i would say that lets not live in a world of dreams and wait for some prince charming as the reality really bytes hard. i agree with gaurav that we shld not hide our prob and wait for a disaster, but the problem here is quite grave, the point is who will marry us?

its us who being thals have to spread this realization that its only thal to thal marriages that may turn to be a reality for some of us but not thal to normal marriages which seems to me a rare proposition (unless u are extremely lucky and have somebody who loves u beyond thal).

so, u guys some more brain cracking on this and lets see if we being thals can work it out for our fellow thals, propogate an ideology which seems atleast workable and not impossible!

kapilpopli · April 10th, 2005, 07:29 AM

Hi to all,
All i can quote is the universal truth about marriage,
"Everybody must get married.Happiness is not everything in Life"
So, everyone "Against" the motion should feel lucky from the above statement and enjoy life happily. And those "for" the motion may opt to add more stress in their life and even to his/her spouse.
Well, I wud be Against this Props.

CYA & Take Care,
Kapil Popli

GreekBandaid · April 14th, 2005, 02:46 AM

Greetings to all the lovely people,

OH BOY!!! Where do I begin. This is one topic I can talk about. First of all. Can we say and agree that it all depends on allot of things in life. For instance, where you are from, when you were born and how you were raised,the health care system you have, most importantly how you see yourself as a person, and if you have a Social Worker as well as having a Thal Organization. I can only say what I have gone through in my life and seen Thals from Canada , USA, Greece and from TIF Conferences. In the early 70's, I along with my older friends that passed away in Montreal, use to sit in the hallway while receiving our blood and having our coffee and some smoking. Our conversation as I remember it as if it was yesterday, if we would live long, get married , & have children. I stand proudly to say that I beat those odds even when I had a high iron overload and one year to live with 2 heart meds. And life took a twist when I met my x-wife then. I told her listen I am ill and lets just be friends first and see where we can take it from there. I was married for 7 years and was the first in Montreal,Canada and maybe the first in Canada as well? All the younger patients, doctors, family saw something that never happened before, even something that was unheard of back then as well. Being involved with the thal group there and going and visiting fellow patients on my lunch break, as I was fortunate to be working for a Thalassemia Screening Prevention Program at the same hospital gave hope to the younger Thal patients. I had dated very little before and because of delayed puberty, girls and pretty much sex was not on my mind and use to get teased about it as well. Things are different now, at least I think it should be. With proper chelation and now that Thalassemia is better known to the world but still needs more work to be done. That having Thal does not mean you stop living and loving. All depends on you and the partner you have. After my divorce I have dated 5 women over a period of time and never had problems with women accepting what I have, I tell most of them right away and never had problems. In Montreal we have 30 patients and 5 are married and one female Thal had 2 children as 1 is on the way of having one. Here in Toronto, about 250 patients and from what I can count and seen theres about 10 -15 thals married to non thals. I think, if you can show your partner that yes you have a blood dissorder and the complications that come with it and that as long as your doing your part by taking care of yourself. You also have to educate them and have information ready for them to read about. Its not all about attitude in life but it helps, you have to show your on top of the game that you are really taking great care of yourself. Let me say this as well, are there not people that are blind,crippled,etc getting married to healthy people. Now as far as different cultures I cant give any advice but to say education plays a role as well. Oh by the way, I was watching the funeral of the Pope and they had a segmant where a man with no hands sang and played the guitar with his feet for the Pope. A saying so true to my heart " As long as your alive, anything is possible"

Take care my friends,
God Bless, Health and Happiness
Keep on PUMPING or PILLING

vikaskapoor · April 15th, 2005, 01:03 PM

hi friends,

ya you are absolutely right greekbandaid people have many other problems if they dont have thal they might have blindness , they could be handicapped and our prob is much lesser than that atleast we are capable enough to do whatever we wanna do.you are lucky enough greekbandaid that you live in canada but we all have to underatand that in a country we are living is a very conservative one where ppl see lots of stuff before marriage but again i have to say that marriage is not a complete denial for us here in india . it can happen but all depended upon destiny.

and Pallavi Singh your sugestion is good as we will have better understanding with him/her because he/she will know our probs more than any other person. but it should not be a compromise that if we could not marry anyone then lets marry a thal , i dont think it is a good idea marrying a thal if u dont love her/him.there is no harm in marrying athal thats my opinion , i would like all of u to reply to this suggestion of Pallavi Singh.

regards
vikas kapoor

avneet · April 24th, 2005, 12:09 PM

hi friends,

sorry, i knw its been long time i came on this forum but t was my cousin's marriage n i was very busy.

u know marriage is dream for every girl n nightmare for every guy(srry it was a poor one)
but it doesnot matter whether ur partner is thal or non thal.
what matter is ur compatibility n in my dictionary compatibility means degree with which u accept one's strenghts n weaknesses and help them to change their weaknesses into their strenghts

it doesnt mean that to have a compatible relation we have to search for person wid same weaknesses.

what create compatibility is LOVE. it gives strength to accept other's weaknesses n courage to change them in ur strenghts.
n friends love can happen anytime, with anyone and at any place.
so, a thal can fell in love with other thal too, even its not crime if a non thal fell in love wid a thal, coz the consequence will be same, they will rise wd each other in every walk of life

u never know, he/she, thal or non thal somewhere down in this world must have been admiring you n wanted to spend whole life with you- just like perfect couple

avneet

vikaskapoor · April 26th, 2005, 02:09 PM

hi frnds,
avneet u have a nice thoughts on mariage but i am really sorry to hear something whcih goes like this= " it doesnt mean that to have a compatible relation we have to search for person wid same weaknesses"
well first of all we thals are not weak ,
but yes your point when you said if they love each other then they can marry and that relation will go better than a relation of a thal and a non thal coz better understanding and the compatibillity which a couple needs will be there , there will be v less both has to try coz u'll get to know in advance that what trouble your partner is having when you go pale , when you feel tiredness, he/she knows in adv that when your hb test is done and they can doctor each other , and thats how a perfect relation goes.
at the last international conference which took place in italy i met many thal couples and many thal couples who are married to non thals , and surprisingly i ve seen this that thal couples are more happy than others.
but that dosent mean that one should only marry a thal coz thats stupid and what i feel if u love someone irrespective of the fact that he /she is a thal or not he/she will take care of you like anything and obviously not have any problem ,
so my point is you only have get married when you love sombody madly .
i think its one of my longest mail but i hv to write it for my friend

samajh gaye kaun....lol...

regards
vikas kapoor

Quote:

Originally Posted by avneet

hi friends,

sorry, i knw its been long time i came on this forum but t was my cousin's marriage n i was very busy.

u know marriage is dream for every girl n nightmare for every guy(srry it was a poor one)
but it doesnot matter whether ur partner is thal or non thal.
what matter is ur compatibility n in my dictionary compatibility means degree with which u accept one's strenghts n weaknesses and help them to change their weaknesses into their strenghts

it doesnt mean that to have a compatible relation we have to search for person wid same weaknesses.

what create compatibility is LOVE. it gives strength to accept other's weaknesses n courage to change them in ur strenghts.
n friends love can happen anytime, with anyone and at any place.
so, a thal can fell in love with other thal too, even its not crime if a non thal fell in love wid a thal, coz the consequence will be same, they will rise wd each other in every walk of life

u never know, he/she, thal or non thal somewhere down in this world must have been admiring you n wanted to spend whole life with you- just like perfect couple

avneet

avneet · April 26th, 2005, 02:36 PM

hi friends,
srry if it hurted someone where i mentioned "it doesnt mean that to have a compatible relation we have to search for person wid same weaknesses."

i never wanted to say thal is my weaknesses or it might be someone else's

weakness can be nething
my weakness is my short temper not my thal, tht doesnt mean i have too find short tempered guy
waisa its not bad idea, there will add spark in my life if i find one short tempered guy for me. newayz i knw its a poor one

i agree wid u vikas tht thal couple is not bad idea but wat i think is there shud be love in their relationship so that they can cater each other whole life wid care.

avneet

vikaskapoor · May 17th, 2005, 04:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by avneet

i agree wid u vikas tht thal couple is not bad idea but wat i think is there shud be love in their relationship so that they can cater each other whole life wid care. avneet

hi friends,
well i totally agree with you avneet, there has to be love and then it will make no difference rather it wil help them in thier life as they know thier problems more than a normal person.

but this my question is something relatd to relationship , ppl say that you should be frank and should tell your girlfriend/boyfriend about your problem . its quit obvious that you will not tell her/him on the first date , but if you go out with her/him 5-th or 6th date we should tell him/her. i think this is practically right but i cant do it.

now i tell you my personal experience which has became a nightmare for me and i am sure many of you also ahve gone through this kinda experience. well i liked a girl in my college and we went out for an year and i was very scared to tell her about my thal and gradually we startd loving each other. we were moving very positively in our lives but suddenly after 2 years my closest friend told her about my problem and things changed after that , she started ignoring me and one day i heard from one friend that she is seeing some other guy. that was over my head and was very shocking too, but i took it very positively and started search for another girl

, but on a serious note that was very starnge for me as i had never seen any discrimination from ppl in any sense earlier than that , but i was very lucky that i didnt go any further with that girl as my life would be a a disaster, i am happy with it.
but the thing i wanna point out here is that this kinda behaviour in relationship creates a confusion in mind that should i tell her/him or not . and this confusion may cause mental imbalance and could be a problem when you really have to tell her/him.
i would like to have all urs opinion on this one that should we tell a person we like or should we wait till the time we are sure that she/he cant go any where .
coz i knw few ppl who want to wait till they are sure of this, they will run from that point of time where they have to tell thier partner.

regards
vikas kapoor

solankyno1 · May 17th, 2005, 11:43 PM

Dear Vikas,
It was very sad that your love life ends in a bad manner. But what personally I feel that a person should not hide things with your partner. Belief is the main thing which should be present in any relationship. This does not apply only on thals but at every person in the world. In your case your friend has told your girlfriend that you are thal. I am sure that if you yourself had tell her this things the situation could be different.
That is my personal view only. These type of things varies upon person to person.