jokes: [CLEAR LAUGHTER]

[mohak_arora]

hi guys,
it is realy wonderful of u to start this new threads of jokes.
these r small sms but ill definately put some cool jokes soon.
arz ki ya hai
hue kamzor hum itne aapki judai se
hue kamzor hum itne aapki judai se
ki ab to MACHHAR bhi keech le jate hai hame charpai se :p


shahjahan ne taj mahel ki har diwar ko dekha
har minar ko dekha
har kaleen ko dekha
har khidki ko dekha
aur bola
MAA KASAM MAZAK
MAZAK ME BHAUT
KHARCHA Ho gaya!!!

mohak

[Miss_Asia]

salaam. guys do excuse me if im absent these days...exams starting soon and what better way 2 end a reivsion session thn bringin maself heya n e howz vikaas mere baap... i will try 2 stick 2 just english... bt u knw me na yaar... dheet! guyz... come on, u seriousl need 2 post and tickle ma dayam funny bone... lets have a mini comp??? funniest joker declared... legendary charlie chaplin :badgrin: ill start by sms, so u can nick them and impress them ppl .. see im so nice (!)
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From Monday to Sunday
From January to December
From Birth to Death
My feelings for You will never change
For me you will always be a...
HEAD ACHE!
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I like seeing u,
I like hearing u,
I like 2 spend my time with u.

But U r always surrounded by others,
as u r the main attraction of the...
"ZOO
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I CANNOT HIDE THIS FROM U ANYMORE.
I DONT WANT TO HURT U.
AND I FEEL ITS BEST IF I TELL YOU,
BEFORE YOU HERE IT FROM SOMEONEELSE.
.....lypsyl IS NOW RS. 9 ONLY.....
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I tRu$tEd u sO mUch
aNd
uR biG mOuTh iS nEvEr sHuT !
wHy DiD u tEll oThEr$ mY sEcrEt ?
u rEallY diSsapOiNtEd mE !
pLzZ stOp tElliNg eVerU bOdY
tHaT
i m sO
"CUTE"
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Good morning...Have u done two of the most important things when you wakeup today?
1)Pray, so that u may live...
2)Take a bath-so that others may live too!
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come on... i challenge u guys... can u take me down and beat me??? COME ON AND GIV MA YAAR VIKAS SOME SERIOUS MODERATING 2 DO! id love 2 c sum comments, improvements from ya'all.

till nxt time... over n out!

[vikaskapoor]

hi miss_asia , or i shld say uma d fatty,
i dnt knw why you kept you username miss asia ,, oh sorry i forgot tht it was a joke u played bt i mst inform our members tht it is nothing but a p.j. anyways , grt jokes huma , i'll b back with a bang i promise.

thanks
vikas kapoor

[vikaskapoor]

hi frnds,
these r smone jokes from my side now i 'll wait someone to come forward and make me laugh , aint u huma , mohak ???


• Pilot Santa asking permission to land said, "Guess who?"
Controller Banta switches the field lights off and replied, "Guess where!"

"Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the obstetrician.
"Nah," replied the mother-to-be. "He and my husband don't get along."


"Hello! Where are you coming from?" asked Bill.
"Oh, don't ask me! I'm coming from the cemetery. I just burried my mother-in-law" replied Jim.
"I'm so sorry!" said Bill, "But why is your face schratched all over?"
"It wasn't so easy!" said Sid, "She put on a hell of a fight!"


Be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart for this may mean that there is still enough space for another girl on top.



I've written a poem for you: HUMA
Twinkle twinkle little star,
you should know what you are,
and once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.



After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love & didn't notice."


Father: what kind of a wife you want?
Son: dad I need a wife like moon ,, who comes in the night and goes in the morning!

regards
vikas kapoor

Ek baar ek Haathi (male) aur ek Machchharni ( female) mein pyaar ho jata hai.

Dono ka affair bahut dino tak chalta hai. Sab log bate karne lagte hain.
Akhir sharmakar, Machchharni, Haathi se bolti hai "Abhi hum dono ko shaadi kar leni
chahiye ..duniya wale bahut bate karne lage hain... mera jeena mushkil ho hain."



Machchharni ke ghar vale mana kar dete hain shaadi se.....



Now the question for you is "Kyon?"


























Guess


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Socho Socho


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Woh kehte hain ki Ladke ke Daanth bahar nikle huye hain…



Par pyar kiya to darna kya...
Ab dono ko bhagkar shaadi karni hai...
Isliye dono Marriage Registrar ke yahan application dete hain aur ek mahine baad registered marriage karte hain...
Phir dono honeymoon ka plan karte hain...
Dono Kerala jate hai (with Kesari Tours)...
Honeymoon hone ke baad jab doosre din subah Haathi ki aakh khulti hai to dektha hai ki bechari Machchharni mar gayi hai...
yes...she is dead...;-)

Now the question for you is "Kyon?"


Guess...







Stress your brain,




Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm............



Oh corrupt mind ha...I know wht font=Trebuchet MS]ur[/font] thinking.........




..but the answer is...






..


Because, Hathi raat ko "Good Knight" laga ke sota hai.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha...

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing
happened. Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting the
Rs.50.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to
God,
INDIA

they decided to forward it to the President of the India as a joke.

The President was so amused, that he instructed his secretary to send
the
little boy Rs.20. The President thought this would appear to be a lot
of
money (Rs.50) to a little boy, and he did not want to spoil the kid.

The little boy was delighted with Rs.20, and decided to write a thank
you
note to God, which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I
noticed
that you sent it through the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi, and those
donkeys deducted Rs.30 in taxes."

A man is riding on his bike through a very dense forest in the evening. After about an hour he sees a peacock appear all of a sudden in the way - and the peacock is smiling at him. The man feels its kinda weird and carries on traveling. Another hour passes and he sees the same peacock again in the middle of the road smiling at him. The man is a little scared now, but says to himself that he is just tired and is just imagining things and carries on with his ride. Yet another hour passes and he finds the peacock again appearing out of nowhere smiling at him.........
Why is this happening?????
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Because the man is riding TVS Victor and so "More smiles per hour".

(a 'more' is a peacock in Hindi)
Your post has been edited because there were some objectionable words in it. Please take care in future before posting anything.
//Moderator//

READ IT ........... IT WILL take HARDLY 3 minutes. something whichshould not happen to u...

The story took place some time back and revolved around a young lad

named Sam. Sam at that time was working as a programmer, in a small IT

company located in Singapore. During one particular working day, the

whole of Sam's company was requested to work OT in order to meet a

deadline due tomorrow.

By the time everything was done, it was already past 1 am and Sam was

the last person left in the office. He was left wondering whether there

were still any bus services at this hour. He decided to try his luck and

quickly tidied up the office, locked up and rushed towards the bus stop.

The bus stop was situated by a small narrow road with dense forestation

surrounding the area. Sam waited for about 20 minutes and was about to

make his way to the main road to catch a cab when a double deck bus

appeared from nowhere.

He hesitantly waved it down, boarded the bus and the only person he saw

on the same bus was a frail ghastly looking old woman. The old woman was

dressed in white attire. Sam felt uneasy upon seeing her and was about

to go up to the upper deck when a voice ranged out in Cantonese, "Young

man, don't go upstairs. upstairs dangerous." It was the old woman.

Her comment sent a chill through Sam's bones and he figured that the

upper deck might be "dirty".He decided to heed the old woman's advice

and grab a seat at the lower deck even though he felt uncomfortable by

her presence.

It was an agonizing 20 minutes journey before Sam reached his bus stop.

He quickly alighted and turned to steal a quick glance at the old woman,

who stared right back at him by the window. Without further ado, Sam

hastened his pace and was fortunate to reach home safely.

The next day, Sam was requested to work OT and ended up being the last

person left in the office again. It was already past midnight and Sam

was contemplating whether to take a cab home but decided against it in

the end as money was tight. So he made his way to the bus stop again and

after about 20 minutes, the same double deck bus appeared. Sam boarded

the bus and saw the same old woman again. He decided to go to the upper

deck again when the old woman called out to him, "Young man, don't go

upstairs.

Upstairs dangerous." Even though, he heard it before, he still felt a

certain fear inside him. To be on the safe side, he reluctantly took a

seat at the lower deck again and reached home with no incidents.

The third day, Sam was asked to do OT again. By now he was feeling

readed and worried as he didn't want to repeat the same process again.

But he obliged nevertheless since it's his livelihood. He was, you

guessed it, the last person left in the office again. He made the same

journey to the bus stop, occasionally checking his back as he walked.

The double deck bus arrived, he boarded it and saw the same old woman

again. As he proceeded to go upstairs, the old woman warned him again,

"Young man, don't go upstairs.

Upstairs dangerous." Sam was fed up with the old woman by now and

decided to go upstairs even though he was feeling a bit scared. He saw

no one else when he reached the upper deck and slowly made his way to

the back of the bus and sat down. Sam's heart began pounding away as he

waited anxiously for something to happen. After 20 minutes, with nothing

happening, Sam went downstairs to confront the old woman and asked her

why she kept saying it's dangerous upstairs. The old woman turned,

stared at him and replied,

...





..





..









...









...









"Young

man, don'to upstairs. Upstairs dangerous. Upstairs got no bus driver."

[karan]

hey folks
a dog day will come but a donkey day will never came

[karan]

hey folks
once upon a time a husband was calling his wife through his idea mobile the call went to other lady they met they went on date and they got married
so the moral of this story is an idea can change ur wife

[mezi]

HERE ARE SOME OF MY SMS

I...
ME...
MYSELF...
YES ME...
I...
TRULY..
MADLY...
DEEPLY...
HOPELESSLY...
REALLY...
PURELY...
HONESTLY..
WARMLY...
DEARLY...
TOTALLY...


LIKE DISTURBING YOU !!
__________________________________________________ ________________

DEAR MATE,
DO YOU TAKE ME TO BE UR LAWFULL SMS MATE?
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD
FOR RICH QUOTES AND COMEDY JOKES
IN LOW SMS CREDIT
AND IN POOR SIGNAL
TILL LOW BATTERY DO US PART
WELL
DO YOU?
__________________________________________________ _______________

SOMETIMES MY MIND ASK
WHY I MISS YOU
WHY I CARE FOR YOU
WHY I REMEMBER YOU
WHY I SMS YOU.
THEN MY HEART ANSWERS SIMPLY
BECAUSE.........

SMS IS FREE
__________________________________________________ ____________

PLEASE REMIND ME TO REMIND YOU ABOUT REMINDING ME TO SEND YOU THIS REMINDER THAT REMINDS ME OF REMINDING YOU THAT YOU NEVER HAVE TO REMIND ME TO REMEMBER YOU....
I ALWAYS SO !!

confused?

soz miss asia i think i beat you !!

agree?

MEZ
XxX

[mezi]

hey people i write some good sms in a thread called 'yo yo yo thalforum' by miss asia.i wrote it in the wrong thread and now i cant be bothered to write it all out again.make sure u check it.bye
MEZ
XxX

[monica20]

once a lady visited a bakery to but a cake :

lady:(to the shopkeeper)give me 1 fresh cake...!

shopkeeper: madam here is ur fresh cake...

lady:this is not fresh i think this is eaten up by the mice...

shopkeeper:no madam this is not possible at all coz the whole night a cat was sitting on the cake....

[vikaskapoor]

lol,
monica this was awesome and will expect same like this from you very soon.

regards
vikas kapoor

[riteek]

here are some jokes ...... hope u guys like them :::

Question: One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day for all his bad deeds. He felt that he should go an apologise to Ram for all the problems he had caused. So he went to Ram's house and knocked on the door. Ram opened the door and was surprised to find Ravan standing there. Ravan just kept staring and thinking but didn't say a word. What was he thinking?

Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?"
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Question: How do you "cut" roads?

Ans: By laughing... because "Haste haste cut jaye raaste".

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Question: Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?...........
........Socho, socho. Nahi pata?

Ans: D'Cold; Because... Chan ki saans - D'Cold
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Question: Chalo ab batao, Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai? ...........

............ This one's really simple...

Ans: D'Cold again... Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi :-)
================================================== ================================================== =======================
A railway station beggar meets another beggar.A software engineer meets another software engineer. Both of them ask the same question to each other. What is the question?

"So, which platform are you working on?"
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Question: What do you call a person who is leaving India?

Ans: Hindustan Lever.
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Question: What do you call a person who leaves India, but doesn't travel much?

Ans: Hindustan Lever Limited.
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Question: In an elephant school, some loafer elephants were hanging around in the canteen. A sexy female elephant passes by. What do the loafer elephants say about her?

Ans: Look yaar, 36000 - 24000 - 36000!!
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Question: Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha. Uska naam kya tha?

Ans: Adidas.

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Question: Who is Joe?

Ans: Kambakth ishq... Because "Kambakth ishq hai Joe!"
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Question: The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie "my heart is an umbrella'. Which movie did he really want to see?

Ans: Dil Chhaata Hai.
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Woh kaun sa hindi geet hai jis main "Internet Explorer" ka zikar kiya gaya hai???

Hint: The heroine also refers to herself as Internet Explorer.

If you don't know...

The answer is... Maine Pyar Kiya.

And the song goes....

Aajaa shaam hone IE (Internet Explorer)
Mausam ne lee angada IE
To kis baat ki hai lada IE
Tu chal........ Main IE !!!

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Ek Aur

PJ Isse kehte hain.........

Gattu ek lecture attend karta hai. lecture ke baad use bhookh lagti hai. So he goes to the canteen. canteen mein gattu ek pav leta hai. jaise hi woh pav khane ke liye uthata hai to dekhta hai ki uski plate mein "jannat"likha hai.

To janaab ab aapko yeh batana hai ki gattu jiska lecture attend karke aa raha hai, us proffessor ka naam kya hai???

Guess

The answer is

Ishq Ki Chhaon.

kyonki ::::: Jinke "Sir" ho "Ishq ki Chhaon" "Pav" ke neeche "Jannat" hogi....

Don't scratch ur head this is a song from film "Dil Se"
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Once all the scientists die and go to heaven............ They decide to play hide-n-seek......... Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den........... He is supposed to count upto 100...and then start searching..... Everyone starts hiding except Newton.........Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein........... Einsteins counting......97,98,99.....100........ He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front........ Einstein says "Newtons out..newtons....out....." Newton denies and says I am not out........ He claims tht he is not Newton, he is Pascal...... All the scientists come out and he proves tht he is not newton.......... how.................


His proof:

Newton says: I am standing in a square of area 1m square..... That means I am Newton per meter square...... Hence i am Pascal....since newton per meter square = Pascal, So Pascals out!!